The speech started off with "I'm very flattered " and ended " If you were 10 years older who knows, but I'm sorry you're just too young"Well as my dad used to say 'in for a penny in for a pound' and at the end of the speech my arm snaked around her waist as my other hand touched her knee"Well I know I'm young but..." Chris get your hand off my knee" the tone of command in her voiceI complied automatically before trying to continue "I was saying that I may be young but I do well, I am in love with you" the line was genuine and said wholeheartedly, surely an earnest appeal would work."And from my waist" Miss Devonshire looked at me her eyes a mix of seemingly everything "You don't love me Chris you are simply being like any normal boy when they see an older woman" But this is different Miss, I see other woman and they look nice and things like that but when I see you my heart sings" thank you Mr Album Cover for that last bit I thought hoping for a softened response.Miss Devonshire. I wasn't sure myself and so it was better not to mislead her if I had lost that love. How would I know? I once read that the test for love was to imagine your life without your partner. Divorce, death, whatever reason ... how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form. Someone I could actually become without disliking myself. I knew I would never be able to return to the softer, weaker person I had been. Edie would never respect me if I did and I would likely find her.
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