I looked at all the cars arriving, and the people milling around,couples walking up to the door, the men stopping there as the womenentered with a perfunctory wave. Elliott was nowhere to be seen, asexpected. He was probably at the office. He knew we had planned toallow the men entry only in when the party ended, a half hour before weshooed everyone out the door and locked up.Leaving poor Jackson pawing through the trunk of the big car, the threeof us, resplendent in our exotic outfits, stepped lively inside the bigdoors and surveyed the pre-event scene, finding lots of thingshappening, and also sadly finding the anticipated general panicprevailing, even this early. From this anticipated chaos we had hopedand planned to mold our smoothly functioning event. I knew our fearlessleader could do it, and even looking down into the abyss of failure, Ifelt so wonderfully a part of her team that I just knew she could! I watched Samantha take off toward the noisiest and messiest. “I only stayed past the first song because I was trapped in the crowd.”“How many songs left, you said?” I asked.She frowned at me. “How should I know? I wasn’t fucking counting.”I rose from the couch. “All right. Let me go see where we’re at. I’ll be back.”I left the cabin and climbed the hill. The pressure in me was at the bursting point, so the fresh air felt good. I reentered the hallway, tentatively making my way along it in the darkness. I could hear the chords of Hotel California cycling around as Skinner played a crazy guitar solo over it.We should have picked some popular covers ... Instead we have eleven songs that most people will never have heard before... I paused, seriously considering the idea of leaving. Everything about the event felt backward, now that I was here. All those possibilities that I’d imagined over the past month ... None of them looked like the reality I was currently struggling through. Even imagining us going down in defeat never felt as shitty as this.
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