Physically she was healing but not mentally.She’d been brilliant, masking her mounting depression from her family and friends. A smile here, a friendly comment there, kept her family from knowing what was taking place inside her mind. She acted as if she’d never been pregnant. Slowly she was losing control of her sanity and sinking deeper into despair. The clearest and sunniest of warm days felt clouded over, damp and cold to her.In her twisted mind, she knew Dan would never forgive her for losing their baby and never spoke about her thoughts to him. She felt worthless and had to satisfy the growing need to punish herself.Since her miscarriage, Karen hadn’t slept in the same bed with Dan or had sex with him. She no longer looked her usual beautiful self, losing weight and caring little about her appearance. She had dyed her beautiful natural blonde locks a muted looking reddish-brown and added black streaks to suit her hidden solemn and gloomy mood.The strangest side effect of her. I guess I have been a quiet dreamer all of my life. I liked to enjoy thebeauty of roses and the other flowers in bloom. I loved to smell thefragrance of fresh cut grass. I enjoyed the gurgling of a water fall orthe babbling of a brook. Maybe this may make me seem like less of a man,compared to the macho males that were presently holding me captive. Idid not know if I wanted to be a girl either. I did not really believe Iwanted to live like a woman, but I did want to continue to do the thingsI loved to do. I just really wondered why mankind was really hung up onwhat constitutes a man and why if somebody did not follow thoseguidelines was it considered a serious crime. I was being held hostageby a group of men who followed those guidelines and wanted to force me tofall in line with the stereotypical male behavior. I felt that I was allman even though I had a more sensitive albeit maybe a feminine nature,but did that make me less of a man.An hour later, one of my captors.
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