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But, just as the interest springs forth, it quickly dissipates by the lack of desire to know anything beyond the physical strength and endurance that they possess.I've developed a checklist for each of the men I take to bed. A strict set of standards that have become sacred and imperative in order to maintain my self-imposed "lessons." Each partner must have the physical power to bring about the most pain, and have enough tolerance and virility to maintain long periods of terrifying foreplay before finally sating their own urges.I am not sure how or when I became a slave to sexual pain, but it's now more a drug for me than anything else. It brings about a high, as well as serving a much greater purpose to me. Each slash of the whip on my skin or jolt of pain across my cheek have become almost...euphoric. I feel closer to reality than I ever have, the anguish providing a sense of stability - something real to cling to that keeps me grounded. With only the physical and nothing. Hours went by till we were in Scotland and once off the train i could tell my dad was drunk by how he was stumbling towards a MacDonald's' while in there he try'd to start a conversation again, he soon began to get mad at some man the had done nothing but walk out and back in my dad was convinced the old man was spying on him or something i quickly took him out and we got a taxi to my grandmas nursing home where we were going to stay till she was better.soon we were ready for bed my dad passed out on the sofa and me laying on the hard wooden floor looking at the wall waiting to be tired i soon got bored of this and stood up and picked up my pack of fags and walked to the hall way and put my shoes on i looked at my self in the mirror i was wearing a tight long sleeved top that look good on my slim body i then fixed my hair out my face but it still came down to slap me in the face i then turned around to the front door and made my way out side.the street lamp glared down on me as i lit.
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