.. ‘Did you remember to take the rubbish bins out?’”The Police came to me yesterday telling me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even have bikes.A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a correction officer, “You shouldn’t work my husband so hard. He’s exhausted”. The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell”. The woman replies, “Bullshit!. He just told me that he’s been digging a tunnel for months”.One of my earliest memories was seeing my mother through the oven window. We were playing hide-and-seek. She said, “You’re getting warmer”.Did you know that on the Canary Islands there is not a single canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing. No canaries there, either.I was invited by a female janitor to smoke pot at her apartment, but I politely refused. I can’t deal with high maintenance women.If you’re paying $3.00 for a bottle of Smart water, it isn’t working.I don’t need a “Do Not. The asshole hadn’t missed me by more than a foot. I thought up some choice names for him as I headed west. I was careful to stay in the center of the road, because I knew those washboard bumps could be incredibly dangerous on two wheels.I was probably ten miles down the road when I topped a hill and saw them. I came to a stop behind the Land Cruiser and ran over to where Cheyenne and Stan were kneeling beside Frank. His Silverado was off the road and lying on its side a few feet away.I was filled with dread when I saw the blood all over Frank’s face and the front of his shirt. It looked like he’d been shot in the head.I kneeled down and asked, “How’s he doing, Cheyenne?”To my total surprise, Frank spit out a mouthful of blood and said, “Well he ain’t plannin’ to die any time soon!” His speech was thick and slurred, but understandable as he continued, “Some low-life SOB shot me in the face.”We heard the sirens in the distance. A couple of minutes later, an ambulance topped the hill.
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