I saw that he was staring at Miguel--or more accurately, at Miguel's chest. I didn't understand why, until I looked too, and noticed something sticking out of the breast pocket of his overalls. My heart turned over."Hey, pam?" Logan said then."Yes?" Do you see what I see? In Miguel's pocket there?" Yes," I said. It sounded like a whisper."What is that, pam?" Logan said.I kept myself from swallowing with an effort. "Looks like a pack of cigarettes," I said."Yeah, it does. Hey, Miguel?" What?" Is that a cigarette package in your pocket?" Yeah," Miguel said. "Can't smoke in the building, though. Against the law. Gotta go outside to smoke 'em." That's all right," Logan said. "I don't want to smoke them." No? What you want then?"Logan looked at me. "Pam?"I said nothing.He turned back to Miguel. "Can I bum one off you, man?"Miguel shrugged and pulled out the pack. "Yeah, but I don't know what you're gonna do with it," he said. He held the pack as Logan took a cigarette from it, then put. You didn't understand how you could stay so calm and freak out at the same time. You reasoned that you were in a state of shock and imaging the whole situation. It helped to pretend, but you'll never forget seeing the torn flesh, the broken bones, the blood.And then there was the bizarre journey to the hospital, sitting in the back of the ambulance on the gurney, trying to console yourself, feeling frustrated that you couldn't even hold your own hand, how everything just went through you when you tried to touch it. That was hard: trying not to freak out, trying not to believe that you were dead, or at least dying.And then the operation. You couldn't watch. You left and explored the building, walking around like a ghost. That's when you heard the sounds coming from the supply room and decided to investigate, when you saw the nurse pushed up against the wall, the doctor pounding her from behind, making a face he was probably glad she couldn't see.And that's when the other thing.
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