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My baby is keeping me strong. I have to be strong for my baby. He or she needs me. I've been working longer hours, to make enough money to pay the rent and bills.12/13/1980Dear Diary, I'm in the hospital, I had my baby. A Healthy baby boy. Born at 3:24 am. He is so beautiful diary. He has a white complexion, blue eyes and brown hair, like his father. I haven't heard from Jason since I got the one letter more than 4 months ago. A nurse asked me why I was crying while I held my baby. I told her what Jason had done. She sympathized with me for my heartache. It doesn't matter anymore. I have my son, he will be my happiness.12/31/1980Dear Diary, It's new years eve, and I am at home with my son, I decided to name him Giovanni. This will be our first new years eve together. I feel so happy holding my son in my arms. Tomorrow can wait, I just want to be here and now with my son.7/16/1981Dear Diary, It's been 8 months, Giovanni is so handsome. He said his first word today, 'Mama.' I couldn't. I beat off alone thinking about girls and how nasty things could get! Always about normal lusts and urges, but he was right, I did enjoy our secret club and the contact before we worked out eventhough I didnt think about calling it sex, it was as close to the thrill of sex as I could have imagined as a virgin. He took me for a drive in his car one day and confessed that he made the hole thing up because he was a dog and how ashamed he was. He really came to really like me and the more we bonded the more he hated himself. Then he would get horny and it over took his conflicting conscence and not until he shot off did he start to hate himself again and want to stop what he was doing. In the beginning he was horny and both of us being sexually oriented to being straight he wanted a reason to be able to beat off with someone and it be okay. He never thought it would go any further but as time progressed and his hormones took over, he just couldnt help himself when we were alone and.
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