Uski taiyaari bhi karni thi. Wapsi me mujhe Suraj nahin dikha. Mai Bazar jaa kar kuchh saman khareed layi. Saman me ek jheena Reshmi gown. Khane peene ka saman aur ek botal beer tha. Ek larki ke liye beer khareedna kitna mushkil kaam hai aaj mujhe pata laga tha.Baari mushkil se kisi ko paise dekar maine ek bottle beer mangaya. Aaj mai uski poori tarah se swagat karna chahti thi. Sham chaar baaje se hi mai apne mahbbob ke liye taiyaar hokar baith gayi. Haalka makeup karke perfume lagaya. Fir transparent bra aur panty ke upar naya reshmi gown pahan liya. Gulabi jheene gown ko pahanna aur nahi pahanna barabar tha. Bahar se ek ek royan dikh Raha tha. Bistar par saafed reshmi chaddar bichha diya. Room spray chaaron or spray kaar diya. Kuchh rajnigandha ke sticks ek flower verse me bed ke sirhane par raakh diya. Chhay baje tak to mai betaab ho uthi. Bar bar ghari ko dekhti hui chahal kadmi kar rahi thi. 6.10 par door bell baja. Mai daur kar darwaaje par gaayi. Peep hole se dkhkar hi. Our ‘new’ computer sat in the living room unconnected. That daughter graduated and I turned her room into a “recovery room.” I learned to stream music, understand a bit about windows and begin to surf the web. It was like a giant library and I soon was looking for transexual information. I soon learned that I was not alone. I remember getting dressed and going into transgendered chat rooms, swacked on pain pills. I began to dress daily. My kit had turned into a wardrobe and I had finally found some size 12 strappy 4” spikes. (Payless IS a gurl’s best friend.) I learned a lot about being transgendered and discovered information about the XXY gene. I am pretty sure that this could be a genetic thing, this crossing of the brain and sexual desires that some of us have. My father lost his long-standing professional job because of a “gay” action while drunk. My uncle (his brother) was gay too. But like I’ve said….men as a man doesn’t even interest me. Get me in a skirt and hose and I.
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