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Instead of wanting to die, I very much wanted to live. I could finallyjust be myself. I could shop I the girls section or take ballet andnobody would give it a second thought. I could dance in a tutu withoutbeing labeled a perverted freak. People really misunderstandtransgendered people. We mostly want to blend in. We don't want tostand out. We want to use the girls bathroom because we want to blendin. We don't want to stand out. Besides,wearing a cute dress withballet flats into the boys room would get you beaten or worse. Ididn't have to worry about that anymore. Dr. Upton was even having mybirth certificate changed. If having all that stress taken away makesme glow? It makes perfect sense.After mom and Shannon went home Cindy tucked me in bed. I felt so goodI fell right to sleep. I had a very vivid dream. I was walking downthe sidewalk in a pretty yellow sundress enjoying the day when I saw aman walk towards me. It was my dad. I was horrified. I had the. I eagerly went to the calendar to plan a November to remember for my loving husband but there I saw he had that damn business trip on all the 'good' days. Sure, I could have just did some sort of video or something but what fucking fun would that have been? I wanted Michael to feel the sweat as I proved my truest love in the ultimate way of having a baby.I have to admit my disappointment that stirred in my unfulfilled belly as I unhappily turned the page of that calendar a second time, but as I counted off the days again, I couldn't believe what a wondrous and magical opportunity that was to be mine. What better time to give Michael this present I had intended for him than in the real season of 'brotherly Love?'Even if I knew my long neglected pussy would be hard to wait for so long, I had gone over four years denying myself any real satisfaction at all, so a couple more months wouldn't be that bad... I would just have to hold off the retirement party for my toys in the dresser drawl.
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