Whenever I was her, I felt right and whole. Whenever I see her in the mirror or a photo, I know she is me. And I am so glad, so very glad, I embraced myself by embracing her. Jennifer started out shy and timid – uncertain of herself and how others saw her. Not quite sure she was attractive or desirable. She began life with a pink and white wardrobe and long skirts which suggested virginal purity but did not truly reflect who she was. The first boyfriends and lovers helped end that phase. I still recall those who first flirted with me and treated me as a woman, even though they knew I was a special kind of gurl. The fact that I was different and exotic made me more attractive not less. That I worked harder at being pretty and feminine and sexy than most biological women made me even more so. Once I learned that, once I was held and kissed and admired as Jennifer, my confidence grew and I fully accepted what I wanted and who I was, and will be forever more. Being a gurl today is so. I thumped the wall again."Huh. Eh? Ung..." the sounds of Maxie moving around followed the half words, then he hit the wall with some other part of his anatomy, "Jes?" His voice was thick with sleep, making him sound older and less smart than I knew him to be."Maxie? I need to talk to you." Mmm, 'kay," I peered through the hole, but it was pitch black in Maxie's room, "What's wrong?" He spoke through a yawn that made his jaw creak."Maxie are you awake?" I knew I'd woken him, but there was no point in telling him if he wasn't going to remember in the morning, and I was losing my resolve. I banged the wall right next to his head."Fuck. Yes, I'm up now. Ye gods what time is it?" Midnight." And this couldn't wait until the morning. You selfish bastard," his hard tone vanished as he spoke, "Sorry Jes, I'm fine, talk to me." OK." I took a deep breath, a pause I thought I was going to get trapped in. "I'm not, I been, I wasn't ... hang on. I never knew, you know? I never knew like other.
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