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But something else was different. She tried to explain:"I feel ... not the same. My attitude, it is ... more ... no, that is not right. My attitude is less willing to accept what had been sufficient before. Is that correct? I feel compelled to test myself more. I feel uneasy to accept what was previously acceptable. It seems not sufficient to just be what comes easy now. It seems needful to try harder, to push harder. I feel dissatisfied, not content unless I struggle against the limits of myself. This is not how I was; I never felt this dissatisfaction with myself before. I do not know if this is correct, if I am to be this way?"Dee'rah looked to her parents, seeing concern in their faces. She turned to Michael, who understood. He smiled knowingly at Jon'a-ren and Lyn'na-ra, then he moved to Dee'rah and hugged her closely. He scooped her up in his arms, strode to a bench and sat down with her in his lap."I believe that what you are feeling is quite normal, my love," he smiled down. It’s so hard to explain a relationship like ours. She then asked me a question I had never anticipated. ‘Are you ashamed of the marks?’ ‘Not a bit. I just know that other people don’t understand.’ ‘Fuck ‘em is what I say.’ ‘We haven’t been out for a social since you threw yourself off Pansy.’ Vicky had been taking care of me and I knew she was restless for some activity. She rode every day and we walked the dogs together of course but she was a social animal and loved going out. I was improving rapidly, had lost the plaster cast and although I still needed a sling I could cook again and do my normal duties around the house mostly. ‘The Hunt are doing Burns Night again this year, Saturday in fact. I thought I’d take you.’ Now, to be brutally honest, the local Hunt was not entirely my thing. They all loved horses for a start and thought anyone who didn’t was a heretic. They threw lavish balls and fund raising events and since they were mostly rich or aspired to be, they always wore.
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